How do I look?
For many years I have taught workshops on communication with individuals and groups, and it’s pretty clear to see that there are two main keys to improving personal communication: Practice & Feedback. Practice, we all know is important for getting good at anything. And feedback, too, is a vital tool. The feedback can come from yourself (that is, your own “sense” of how you carried out your communication), from other students, and/or from audio or video recordings of yourself in action.
The list below represents some of the most common communication issues and strategies that I have observed between people communicating to individuals or groups:
1. If telling a story, is it appropriate? Stories can be powerful, can keep an audience’s attention, and help them relate to a situation that you are highlighting – if the story is right for the setting and the people hearing it.
2. Should information be pushed or pulled? “Get out!! Fire!” is an example of “pushing” information and as such is appropriate for that situation. “Pulling” information is when observations and questions are used to draw out the information from your listeners. Pulling information can help an audience stay awake, keep them connected to you and your topic and can allows them to feel that they are working side-by-side with you as part of an emerging solution.
3. Can silence be used? Stopping to let your communication “sink in” can be a powerful communication strategy. Also, using silence to get a reading on how the audience is reacting before proceeding can be very useful for you. In great storytelling, using silence at a critical juncture can heighten an effect that you would like to create.
4. What’s going on with body language? Imagine a spectrum of behaviors that at one end shows a person appearing relaxed, expansive, confident, and connected to their listeners, and at the other end shows someone painfully nervous and uncomfortable, appearing either fidgety or frozen to the spot. Sometimes what a person is thinking and feeling is not projected at all by their body language, and this almost always serves to create a sense of tension and dissonance in the observer, which most people speaking to others do not want to have happen! Watching TV without the sound on, and trying to guess what’s going on based on body language, is a fun way to practice reading body language.
5. Is the audience connected to the communication? – There are an array of behaviors that can allow you to “check in” to see if your audience feels like they are being “responded to.” Some areas to check with in your audience are: eye contact, position of body or posture in chair (are they leaning forward? on edge of seat?), is their posture open or closed what is your sense of their alertness or emotions (are they nodding in agreement, frowning, squinting, blank/impassive). All of these “clues” can help you stay connected to your audience, and help them stay connected to you!
6. Is your voice clear and understandable? Sometimes a speaker’s voice is too soft or too loud or conveys an underlying emotion that’s not desired for the communication. Speaking too fast, using slang, and speaking with a heavy accent can also make content less clear. One classic suggestion to improve your speaking voice is to listen to national news anchors and try to emulate their diction.
7. What planning is needed for a successful communication? How much research needs to be done before the communication starts? For example, is the bottom line of what needs to be conveyed clear? Are there time limits? If not, what would be an effective time limit for this communication and this group? Who is the intended audience and what is known about them? Is there an agenda or event structure to be worked with?
8. Is Are technology and props helping or hurting the communication? Slides, props, and visuals can all make a more powerful communication if used properly, as long as they don’t become the focal point of your talk.
9. Can humor be used? Smiling at the audience, and laughing with them makes it easier to learn, easier to connect, and creates a comfortable environment in which communication can flow more easily.
10. What is the bottom line? What specific words can be used? What level of detail is required? What are the main points? What would make this clearer? Does your entire talk drive to the bottom line? Are all your points, stories and examples heading there? Have you appropriately repeated and reinforced your bottom line? Does your audience know what you want them to do about it?
You may already be stellar at one or more of the above techniques yet there is always room for improvement. The key is to identify which areas need improvement and then find a mechanism that works for you to improve. I once worked with a manger who was able to overcame her fear of not connecting to the audience after she discovered that it was the “eyes looking at her” that paralyzed her. Her solution was to cut out pictures of eyes from fashion magazines and practice with these “eye pictures” looking at her until she was comfortable seeing lots of eyes turned on her. At her first team meeting she put up the eye pictures and told the team her story. This served a number of purposes – it allowed her to display playful self-targeted humor, helped her to connect on a personal level with her audience, and provided a useable and successful strategy that allowed her fear of “eyes” to disappear! Another example that worked for a student was to keep an index card with the word “UM” on it in his hands while speaking. It reminded him not to say “UM,” and he managed to give his last presentation with only one “UM” slipping through!
